To me, boxing is like ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver. and since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him.
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
I wouldn't be surprised if someday some fishermen caught a big shark and cut it open, and there inside was a whole person. Then they cut the person open, and in him is a little baby shark. And in the baby shark there isn't a person, because it would be too small. But there's a little doll or something, like a Johnny Combat little toy guy---something like that.
When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.
"I think somebody should come up with a way to breed very large shrimp. That way, you could ride him, then, after you camped at night, you could eat him. How about it, science?.
"To me, truth is not some vague, foggy notion. Truth is real. And at the same time, unreal. Fiction and fact and everything in between, plus some things I can't remember, all rolled into one big "thing". This is truth, to me."
— Deep Thoughts, Jack Handy