Was thinking about incomplete projects today.
All our best-intentioned efforts.
Things I've said 'yes' to — because I'm wired to say 'yes' …
then set aside for many reasons. play, pause. play, pause.
Not so much aborted because the thing didn't have merit,
but maybe more because something else had more merit.
Not so much ignored because of entropy,
but maybe more because I have too many plates spinning on sticks.
Not so much started because saying 'yes' was
modeled as a child in my artist-mom and fix-it-all-dad,
though that's in there somewhere.
Not so much started because my identity
is too enmeshed in seeking approval of others,
though the tendency to be a pleaser is in there as well.
And it reminded me of this stations of the cross project.
I only have two stations completed (the two above are
further along than when this shot was taken).
I allowed myself to give up the project for now because
it was already used in context with another group stations project.
And maybe because they weren't being
executed the way I had envisioned.
Now they're sitting in a corner of an unused room gathering dust.
And I no longer have the drive to complete the project. for now.
Maybe
Maybe when the seasons turn cool and Ordinary Time gives way
to the rhythmic sway of Advent, Christmas, Epiphany, Lent
maybe then I'll be inspired.
It of course brings up questions of the agency of the
Holy Spirit in the Christ-follower's life.
Are we to truly be children of the Wind?
Breeze-Flexible, Malleable, willing to follow the Wild Goose?
Yes, ¿no?
Then:
Is artistic inspiration extractable from spiritual in-spiration?
In-filling In-dwelling In-breathing?
And is this a cop-out?
I just didn't feel inspired today. Or yesterday for that matter.
Or is it soul-care for the over-burdened, a lesson for the weary,
cardinal direction for the wayward dabbler?
and then there's the home-front:
the deck that's falling apart;
the soil beneath my dead lawn that's
starting to crack from dehydration;
a thousand points of shame to own and be
embarrassed about mostly when relatives come to visit.
lack of landscaping. dehydrated lawn. cracked
foundation. peeling paint. dilapidated deck.
do i own these failures more than others?
how do these not kill you all? nagging failures…
when it comes to labor, it's in much worse form
to pull the "i'm just not inspired" card.
there's always the "i'm tired" card.
i ramble.
